I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
