Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
