he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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