Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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