beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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