May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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