Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
