At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
