Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
