If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
