my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
