he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
