I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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