Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
