Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
