the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
