I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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