Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
