The maid of honor just puked.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
