I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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