It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if only i could text you this smell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
