Moan for me like Helen Keller
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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