plz talk dirty to me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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