At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
