So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
