what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
