I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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