Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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