3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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