dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
