Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
