Me too!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
