Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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