i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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