Your face is a jimmy john
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
