I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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