Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You offered him a āSorry I Blew Your Brotherā Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Itās a good thing Iām the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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