Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
