this boner is exhausting
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
