just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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