i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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