and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
