quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
