she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
