i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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