In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
