Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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