If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
