I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
