I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
