I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
