you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
