GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
