After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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