Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
